Thing-a-Day Jan 23 #16 - Uncertainty

Reverend Mode - Activate

WARNING - Stream of consciousness at the end, just typed out as it came. Want to know how my negative thoughts work? Here's your chance to

O B S E R V E.

Think about a splinter in the heel of a lumberjack. That splinter, goes mostly unnoticed at first and slowly infects the flesh around it. Pretty soon, the splinter will create a small abscess and make itself known by the pain of the localized infection. It has to be realized and extracted before the infection spreads, otherwise the results could, sadly, be fatal. Yes, I've seen a splinter kill a man in this exact way.

Uncertainty spreads in a similar fashion. Small and unnoticed at first - an inkling of indecisiveness here, a speck of self-doubt there, a cloud of confusion every so often. These are things that we deal with constantly! There's no way this is a big issue, right? There couldn't be a splinter in my thought processes, nooo no. The sliver of uncertainty gets hidden under the delusion that we feed ourselves on a daily basis, "I'm okay." It might not be a delusion, and you might just be having an off day. However, keep in mind that once or twice does not indicate a pattern, but a series of instances that can be tracked and observed can.

So, you're probably gonna ask me, "How do I know? How can I be certain?!" Truth is, that's not an easy answer. It's something you'll need to observe for yourself!

Now, uncertainty is not necessarily a bad thing in small doses! Think of it like a necessary survival skill that we've developed in order to detect unsafe situations or people who wish us harm. However, like our fight or flight instinct, it should only be present in those situations where unsurety is needed! If you're having this self-doubt over every single thing you do, you might have an issue and should probably seek out a decent therapist who isn't gonna take you for the monetary ride of your fucking life.

Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and preach some bullshit at you about how "you have uncertainty, so you're fucked!" Hell no. I just want you to be aware that this might be indicative of a larger issue at play. I live with uncertainty on a near-daily basis due to what I can only assume is impostor syndrome. This hasn't been diagnosed by a professional, but hey, I know myself, right?

"And I'm okay," Fox said as he proudly thought about hitting [PUBLISH] on this entry. While hovering the mouse over the button and his finger over the LMB, he thought about it for a moment. 

What if I'm not? What if this whole self-improvement plan for 2023 is a ruse I'm selling myself in order to make myself feel better about my own shortcomings? It can't be that easy, though. I'd have to push pretty hard to come up with all these plans, schedules, appointments, and all that just to fake myself out and set myself up for failure. Nah! I'm okay.

And aside from the pain in my ass and the throbbing from my fractured tooth, I mean it and believe that I am, truly, okay.