Thing-a-Day Jan 23 #10 - Things About Me Tuesday

I have a scar on the center of my left butt cheek. How's that for a zinger of an opening line?

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In second grade, I was a bit of a quiet spaz. As mentioned, I didn't get along with alot of the little bastards at my elementary school, but every once in a great while, I'd do something to get their attention... just to let them know, "Hahaaa, I'm still here, and you can't win!"

The first-through-fifth grade teacher was a kind soul [who looked the other way when a different kid was being harassed and bullied, but what-fuckin'-ever, am I right], and I don't blame her for her shortcomings at all. However, in second grade, I thought that I had to get her attention so she'd take my claims of being bullied seriously... so I sat on her book bag.

As soon as I did, I remember feeling like something poked me, like I sat on an upturned marker or something... boy was I wrong! I stood up, and one of the kids in the front row yelled, "Chris, you have a pencil sticking out of your butt!" I excused myself, walked calmly to the bathroom as something warm and wet dripped down the back of my pants, looked in the mirror... and there it was. I had the handle of an X-acto knife sticking out of my backside, and the blood had now reached my left shoe.

The knife came out with a sort-of sucking sound [the knurling at the finger-grip was the worst] and a slight pop. I packed the back of my pants with paper towels, walked back into the classroom, set the blade down on the teacher's desk, and asked her to call my parents. She asked, "Why?" I turned around, pointed at the blood-covered seat of my pants, and replied, "Because I got stabbed in the ass."

I don't remember much between that point and lying face-down on the couch at home with my bare cheeks exposed. Say what you will, Super Glue makes for a damned good bandage! My parents slapped a standard band-aid over it for good measure. The incident was never really mentioned when I went back to school the next day.

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So there it is... something y'all didn't know.

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